Deadly Chakilas

The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting… on a Saturday morning… after breakfast…

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So – what is the problem? We all use our work telephones!

A little girl asks her mum, “Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block?”

Her mum replies “No, because she is on heat.”

“What does that mean?” asked the child.

“Go and ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.”

The little girl goes out to the garage and says, “Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.”

He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said “Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.”

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash..

Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Lulu?”

The little girl said, “She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is PUSHING her home!!!”

LOL

A kid asks his father for help on a writing assignment. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”

His father looks up thoughtfully and says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you’ve learned.”

The kid is puzzled, but asks his mother. “Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?”

“Don’t tell your father, but, yes, I would.”

He then goes to his sister’s room. “Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?”

She replies, “Omigod! Definitely!”

The kid goes back to his father. “Dad, I think I’ve figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on $2 million bucks, but in reality, we’re living with two sluts.”

My dear Lotta,

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from home, so we moved 25 miles away and are safe now.

I won’t be able to send the address as Banta who stayed here took the house numbers with him for his new house so he would not have to change his address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I’m not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.

The weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Beppo Singh fell in! the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Genda Singh, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father’s last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S: Lotta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already posted off this letter.