Deadly Chakilas

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local pub. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?” The bartender replied, “OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”

”Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way”, said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”

“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender, “Would you like a drink?” “No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.

“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?”

A fisherman from the city was out fishing on a lake in a small boat. He noticed another man in a small boat open his tackle box and take out a mirror. Being curious, the man rowed over and asked, “What is the mirror for?”

“That’s my secret way to catch fish,” said the other man. “Shine the mirror on the top of the water. The fish notice the spot of sun on the water above and they swim to the surface. Then I just reach down and net them and pull them into the boat.”

“Wow! Does that really work?”

“You bet it does.”

“Would you be interested in selling that mirror? I’ll give you $30 for it.”

“Well, okay.”

After the money was transferred, the city fisherman asked, “By the way, how many fish have you caught this week?”

“You’re the sixth,” he said.

A short love story

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they  were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in  the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket?

I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replied “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow!……. ……… …… That’s a great idea!”, he exclaimed.

“Good,” she replied. ………… . “Then get your own bloody blanket.”

Husband: You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

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because now he had become mamu lee…

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.

“But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer.

“Okay,” says the bartender, “If you say you paid, you did.”

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barkeep replies, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.”

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly,
the bartender leans over sand says, “You know, a funny thing happened
in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get
punched in the face.”

“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responds. “Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”

Woman: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?

Man: NO, because you make me sick.

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence”, the farmer said. “This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.”

“This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating”, said the woman.

“What a coincidence!”, said the farmer.

As they clinked glasses he added, “What are you celebrating?”

“My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!”

“What a coincidence!”, said the man. “I’m a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.”

“That’s great!” said the woman, “How did your chickens become fertile?”

“I used a different cock”, he replied.

The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, “What a coincidence!”

Wife dreaming in the night suddenly shouts, “Quick, my husband is back.”

Man gets up, jumps out of the window and then realizes, “Damn, I’m the husband.”

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Santa: No Sir, only small Babies…!!!