Gud marning, Ladies and Gen’lemen. P’rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri ‘kaal.

On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh ‘Bobby’, this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh “Bunty” welcoming to you on the  P’njaaabAirways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. We apalogize  for the two-day delay in taking off, b’cause the sun was not shining  brightly in the fog. And we know that the sun does not shine in the night.

Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing  d’rectly in your  v’llage.  P’njaab Airways has exc’llaant record for safety. In fact our safety  standards are so high that even the fully trained taarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

I am pleased to ‘nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p’ssaingers have reached to their  dest’nation, for the rest 10%, the P’njaab Airwaysstaff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin.

Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court  settlement policies.If engines are too noisy, on p’ssainger request, we can  turn them off for comfart, but your flight will  become late and you may become the late also.For our religious p’ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at  once.

In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly  distributed. We regret that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we  could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut. But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie, can be seen from the right  side cabin windows.

These windows have been opened for your viewing convenience.  For p’ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the seat.  If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent’tainment,  our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!

Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dal  makhani, unlimited P’ronthas and Lassi. There is a Half charge for Red Label  Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on  Patiala flights.

As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P’njaab Airways flights  over P’njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines.  Please to read the ‘structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your  front side. It is not a hand fan. The P’ssainger behind you must read the  card in your backside.

Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any  of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land. Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing.  Please be seated first and then fasten your  seatbelts. We are about to  take-off.

Thank you once again for flying with P’njaab Airways

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HAPPY got disgusted and left…

Santa: This fool left the answer sheet blank,

Teacher: So what?

Banta: Even I did the same thing, now examiner will think that we both copied.

I am in a well here and hoping you are also in a well there. I’m writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from home, so we moved 25 miles away and are safe now.

I won’t be able to send the address as Banta who stayed here took the house numbers with him for his new house so he would not have to change his address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier address plate here, and that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the toilet I’m not sure it works too well. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven’t seen them since.

The weather here isn’t too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven’t found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don’t know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Beppo Singh fell in! the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Genda Singh, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father’s last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn’t much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

Love Mom.

P.S: Lotta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already posted off this letter.

Santa: Serious laadai mein romantic baat mat kar, yaar…!!!

Santa: Biwi se…..

Banta: itne… pyar se….?

Santa: teri hai…