Gud marning, Ladies and Gen’lemen. P’rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri ‘kaal.

On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh ‘Bobby’, this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh “Bunty” welcoming to you on the  P’njaaabAirways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. We apalogize  for the two-day delay in taking off, b’cause the sun was not shining  brightly in the fog. And we know that the sun does not shine in the night.

Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing  d’rectly in your  v’llage.  P’njaab Airways has exc’llaant record for safety. In fact our safety  standards are so high that even the fully trained taarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us.

I am pleased to ‘nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p’ssaingers have reached to their  dest’nation, for the rest 10%, the P’njaab Airwaysstaff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin.

Our Hostess Bubbly Kaur will be haippy to brief you on our out-of-court  settlement policies.If engines are too noisy, on p’ssainger request, we can  turn them off for comfart, but your flight will  become late and you may become the late also.For our religious p’ssaingers, we are the only airline who can help you to contact God at  once.

In case of sudden loss of cabin pressure, Holy Books will be quickly  distributed. We regret that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we  could not record it from the tallyvision due to power cut. But we will be flying right naxt to Air India, where their movie, can be seen from the right  side cabin windows.

These windows have been opened for your viewing convenience.  For p’ssaingers on left side, we have put binoculars under the seat.  If AirIndia flight is again cancelled, then for your in-flight ent’tainment,  our hostesses Bubbly Kaur & Cuckoo Kaur will do the Bhangra with flight stewards Pappu and Tappu. Oye, Balle Balle!!

Your in-flight Menu has a choice of Chicken Tikka Masala, Tandoori Fish, Dal  makhani, unlimited P’ronthas and Lassi. There is a Half charge for Red Label  Whiskey served from Black Label bottles. Patiala pegs will be served only on  Patiala flights.

As per safety rules, smoking is not allowed on all P’njaab Airways flights  over P’njaab. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines.  Please to read the ‘structions on the Safety Card in seat pocket in your  front side. It is not a hand fan. The P’ssainger behind you must read the  card in your backside.

Life jackets are placed under your seats for emergency water landings on any  of our 5 rivers. Do not use life jackets on the land. Kindly keep your seat in upright position for take-off & landing.  Please be seated first and then fasten your  seatbelts. We are about to  take-off.

Thank you once again for flying with P’njaab Airways

The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Sardar and suggested that he become a Catholic.  After several classes and much study, Sardar attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic.”

Sardar’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbours and, as he rushed into Sardar’s backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.

There stood Sardar, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: “Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised a chicken and you were raised a lamb but now you are a potato and tomato”

Yale Guy: Its light, nothing can travel faster than light

Harvard Guy: It’s the Thought; because thought is so fast it comes instantly in

your mind.

Mit Guy: Its Blink, you can blink and it’s hard to realize you blinked

Santa Singh: Its Loose Motion

Interviewer: (Shocked to hear Santa’s reply, asked) “WHY”?

Santa Singh: Last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps, and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS, it was over!!!!

Shopkeeper: Iske Saath koi gift nahin hai bhai saab?

Santa: Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE.

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HAPPY got disgusted and left…

Santa: je aeni potty kardi ae te fir rehn hi deo.